2/3 of my kids have been pretty sick with strep etc. for the last 10 days. As a parent, I am in danger of catching their germs. As a cancer patient in chemotherapy, I am fucked.

Every day that I have woken up feeling normal I have been amazed. It’s been 10 days. How could I not catch this, due to the severe immunosuppression that chemo causes? I must be a magical dragicorn (that’s a dragon/unicorn)!!
Yeah, nope.

Woke up feeling fine today, but have slowly and steadily declined all day. I was walking out of Costco bald as a bat and having to will my eyes open. I love a nap, as we all know, but this was different. It was fundamental exhaustion.

I came home and took a nap where I passed out hard enough to miss 3 calls from my toddler’s daycare saying he threw up and needed to be picked up stat. Whoopsies. They called my mom next, who swooped in to save the day by retrieving him and bringing him home.

At this point I still felt decent so I headed to my physical therapy appointment where my concerns were validated- lymphadema!!!!!

Goddamnit.

Now I have a swollen arm that requires me to wear my colorful compression sleeve and sexy hand attachment at all times while I am awake. I will get more information on this when I see a specialist, but for now, you can keep your eyes peeled for the bald woman with the rainbow full-arm sleeve wandering around the North Shore looking like a Kewpie Doll on meth.

Bye, any remaining levels of self esteem!!

After that appointment I came home to take vomit kid back to the pediatrician, as daycare won’t take him back without a doctor’s note. Feeling like roadkill at this point.

Vomit kid is fine and was cleared to go back to daycare. Hypothesis is that he puked from choking on his own phlegm. He’s adorable.

Big kids come home from school and the computer repair man rings the doorbell. Did I mention my laptop fried when a tiny terrorist/my child spilled water on it for the Nth time? FML.

So here I am, 3 kids, 2 insane barking dogs and the computer guy running what looks like a bomb-making tutorial on my kitchen counter. And me, so, so, so tired. Cheeks flushed and feeling weak.

Emergency call for the second time today to my mom to come help me. What do people do who don’t have my mom as their mom? I’m serious. How do you all function without Mary Fauls at your disposal?

So here we are. Pizza delivered, kids being wrangled by grandma and me in bed praying for wellness.

Let’s tally this up shall we?

• 10 days worth of sick kids
• I was hit by the exhaustion stick (could be illness, could be chemo- jury is still out)
• Laptop fried and costing major coin as heavily accented Steve Wozniak enters The Matrix to retrieve my files
• Kid vomits and gets kicked out of daycare
• I am diagnosed with a lifelong side effect of my surgeries, requiring compression garments and indefinite physical therapy

Dragicorn…? More like slugopotamus.

At least vomit kid just rolled over in his perch next to my head as I’m trying to rest and said, ‘Mom, you have eyes. They are pretty.’

Thanks, vomit kid.