Cinderella. We all know the story. She was relegated to the life of a handmaiden after her father died and her evil stepmother took over the house, making her two wretched daughters the ‘fair maidens’ of the household. Cindy had a serendipitous encounter with Prince Charming and some mice. A Fairy Godmother got involved, and poof! She ends up a Princess.

I am currently in ‘reverse’ Cinderella mode. I was living a relatively princess lifestyle (at least that is how it looks in hindsight). I was healthy, the strongest I’ve been since I was a rhythmic gymnast back in the 90s (go ahead, giggle) and I had long flowing princess-like locks.

Then comes cancer (evil stepsisters) to F things up. Those bitches ripped off my glass slippers (breasts), poisoned my royal buffet (chemo), pulled out my majestic weave (bye hair) and even turned the mice against me (let’s let evil mice represent the bevy of other terrible side effects). A rotting gourd on rusty roller skates picked me up and took me to Cancertown.

So here I am, wearing my do-rag, 5 (fine 7) extra pounds on my once-svelte and muscular frame, covered in scars from multiple surgeries, drains and ports.

I suppose I should feel lucky that I was ever Cinderella the Princess. Not everyone is afforded the luxury of 30+ years of health. Will my smelly gourd turn back into a plump pumpkin? It’s not a guarantee, but I will do everything in my power to encourage that role reversal.

I slept for approximately 27 minutes last night and despite that, I put on my compression sleeve, my bandanna and baseball hat (My head isn’t bald! What are you talking about?!), my now too-tight running shorts and hit the bricks. I jogged to a local hill and ran the stairs, stopping to do abs each time I reached the top.

I refuse to go down without a fight. No stepsisters, buffets, evil mice or rotting gourds will keep me from trying to get back to Princess status.

Fairy Godmothers don’t exist (unless of course you are reading this, Oprah). With all of your help and encouragement, I will be representing myself as my own FG and will fight my way back to the royal ball.

Bibbity Bloggity BOOYAH