A lot of bizarre things come about when you are dealing with cancer. Here’s a lil list I’m compiling of said oddities:
- I had to switch sides of the bed. As a long time right-sider, switching to the left has been strange but needed to happen as my right arm remains compromised by cording and God forbid I can’t reach my Chapstick in the middle of the night.
- I watched a mosquito bite me and die immediately upon contact. Hahahaha, sucker.
- I spend a solid amount of time pulling the dead hair follicles off my head using Gorilla Tape. The stubble is already dead so when you put the tape on your scalp and then rip it off, it comes right out in a very satisfying and non-painful way.
- I now have to take off my shirts like dudes do, by reaching behind my neck and pulling up. It’s the only way that my new musculature and scar tissue will allow.
- Since I have these really uncomfortable expanders where my jugs used to be, I can’t sleep on my sides or stomach which is TERRIBLE. Sleeping on my back has made me a mouth breather which is probably the worst type of person on earth.
- I eat my (legally prescribed) cannabis oil on jelly beans everyday. Using a syringe to put marijuana on a jelly bean is weird. Nuff said.
- People reach out to you from all times in your life. I have been amazed by the number of people from my past who have contacted me with well wishes. I was afraid of this as I remember being kiiiinnndaaaa a bitch in high school. These folks claim I wasn’t, or they are lying to be nice to me cause I have cancer. Or I was such a bitch they are scared of me…?
- Snail mail and packages. I get cards, letters, boxes of random presents at least 3x a week. It almost makes cancer seem worth it (I LOVE PRESENTS).
- Night sweats. Let me put it this way, I had to walk into an intimates store and ask for the, menopause section. I now own a moisture wicking nightgown from the, ‘Cool Nights‘ collection. So sexy. You have no idea.
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I’m not sure, but I think you may find this article funny. It may make you pee. Consider it a gift from across the blogosphere.
Grace, I found your blog through Facebook about a month ago. I was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month after you so I have been following your posts closely, as I am relying on you to give me the true scoop of what to expect every step of the way. I love your writing style and your attitude. I am also in Chicago and I appreciate your honestly. Stay strong.
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