The day has come. My drain output has been under 30ml per drain for 48 hours straight. The drains can come out!!!!!
Before anything good happens to me, I obviously have to go to the dentist, just to even out my karma. Luckily, this morning’s 8am appointment was uneventful and was an excellent excuse to take a narcotic, have my mom drive me around, and take a nap.
Since I cannot lift anything over 10lbs, we have arranged to have a babysitter/Grace-sitter at all times. What this means is basically that I am a lady of leisure. Someone else is always assigned to take primary care of my kids and often there is a secondary person to take care of me.
After my grueling nap, my mom and I ventured off to my drain removal appointment. Now listen, I don’t want to skeeve you all out with the details of this procedure, but let’s just say having 6 inches of tubing pulled out of your now nerve-less chest cavity feels a bit odd. The most important part of the above sentence is nerve-less which translates to painless. Amen.
I was no longer a cyborg!!!! Truly the highlight of my post-mastectomy experience to date. Since I didn’t have to worry about what I would attach the drains to, I could wear normal clothes again (sort of- at a later date I will go into more detail of what is currently happening in the boobage area).
I decided to celebrate by going for a long walk. Some of you may recall that before diagnosis I was in pretty tip-top shape (I’ve gained 7lbs since surgery…damn you Sweet Mandy B’s). Even though I know I am only 2 weeks post-op and should take it easy, my body really wanted to exercise.
Here I am, triumphantly raising my hands above head level. This is major progress people.
Yes, I’m wearing a fanny pack.
Let me skip to the end of the story. I overdid it. Countless lunges in 80 degree weather is not what the doctor ordered. Ironically, what ultimately did me in wasn’t a squat, it was a sneeze. You heard me.
Next time you get your chest cut off, moved around and glued back on, try sneezing.
It is truly a come to Jesus experience. Did you know you use your entire chest wall to sneeze? Me neither. It didn’t go well. You know those weird fake-out sneezes that are not only socially awkward, but feel creepy? That X 100.
I have 4 days ahead of me with no drains before my next surgery when I will gain 1 drain back. I am going to try real hard not to think about what’s next. I’m going to try that, ‘live in the moment’ bullshit. I’m also going to try not to sneeze.
‘All I can say
Is that my life is pretty plain
You don’t like my point of view
You think that I’m insane
It’s not sane… it’s not sane.’ -Blind Melon
5 Comments Add yours
My dear Grace I am praying and happy for today I love you
I really love reading your blogs. You are hilarious and an inspiration.
Yea – I’m dancing with you, Grace!
Gosh… Hope everyone stays healthy and allergies stay at bay so you don’t have any sneezes any time soon! Stay strong…. Keep writing!!!
Brought to your knees by a sneeze. I can kind of relate. I have a wonky back, and apparently sneezing uses all of the muscles in your back too. I’m a pro at those awkward fake sneezes.
Lovestotravel from Instagram.