The Anti-Psychotic

These days it is becoming harder to distinguish between feeling exhausted and feeling depressed. The truth is I am probably both, and one is feeding into the other like the chicken and the egg. I was re-diagnosed in December of 2021. This incarnation of my disease has spanned 2 years and 3 seasons and I…

Wah-mbulance

It has been a while since I complained, and I am basically spilling over with contempt, so buckle up buttercups. Let’s start with the elephant in the room. Chemo. I have been getting chemotherapy for just over 20 weeks at this point. The staff at the cancer center all know me and when I don’t…

Grace+Cancer+Covid = Grancvid

Pop. Six. Squish. I can hear Velma Kelly singing “she had it coming.” Well folks, I finally got Covid. I had a good run. 2.5 years of evading the enemy. 18 of those months were spent in an elementary school surrounded by the germiest of the germies, grade school kids, and I still never got…

The Cancer 15

Name a woman who doesn’t have a complicated relationship with her body. I’ll wait. It all started when I was a chubby little girl. My dad referred to me, in his speech at my wedding, as a “cherubic” child. I remember listening to my pediatrician say that if my parents didn’t get me involved in…

Corpus

I hope not to offend as I write about my body on Easter weekend. I get that there is a much bigger headliner for body stuff this time of year. I did attend 8 years of Catholic school, after all (consider me long lapsed at this point). The amalgamation of Easter and AC chemo #4…

Oncotype

Okay, this post is mostly just for me, to try to organize my own thoughts. Very self-serving, but figured I would take you along for the ride. It is going to be confusing AF so buckle up. The next step in my odyssey is deciding if I would benefit from chemotherapy. This is a very…

Twilight

I am the last surgery on the docket for my surgeon today. Fasting for the entire day is really a bummer. A hungry Grace is a cranky Grace. In bad timing news, I had some, eh em, stomach trouble the whole second half of the day yesterday. I either ate something that did not agree…

My Gregtopus Teacher

This title is a very deep cut. In order to understand it, you need to be aware of the 2020 BAFTA and Academy Award winning documentary, My Octopus Teacher, which is about a man who befriends a deep-sea octopus and of course, my tumor Cousin Greg. The title’s true meaning will become crystal clear a…

Good at This

T minus 18 hours until Greg is sent to tumor heaven. I have been in quarantine in my bedroom for about 60 hours since my pre-op Covid test (which is negative!). Here is a short rundown of what I have been doing, with corresponding embarrassment levels 1-10; 1 being not embarrassing at all and 10…

The Gregercoaster

Setting the scene: ~You find out you have a Greg in your chest on December 22nd, but knew on the 16th that there was a strong possibility of cancer. Your breasts were last checked as clean on August 22 so Greg has appeared and/or grown big enough to be detected in 4 months. You do…

Twenty Twenty Two-mer

I have lost the ability to see things in terms of years. When you are cancery, or perhaps when you are walking through any difficult patch of life, time is not measured in long swaths. It is measured in, ‘bitch, am I going to make it through the next hour?!’ 2016 taught me many things,…

Greg

The flurry of tests, scans & appointments is in full swing. A few days ago my sister took me to the hospital for a CT scan from my pubic bone to my neck to look for distant metastases. This involved getting there 2 hours early to pick up ‘the drink.’ Over the course of the…