Here is a fun fact about Cancer and surgeries to eradicate it; you have to go through a whole litany of other seemingly non-related appointments beforehand so you are in tip-top shape to be gut like a fish.

One of those super-fun visits is to your dentist. Listen, I am never stoked to visit my kind and skilled dentist, Dr. Lundell, but 6 days before a bilateral mastectomy seemed to add insult to injury. Little did I know…

X-rays revealed I suddenly had two massive cavities since my last visit (I’m going to go ahead and blame this on cancer and not my obsessive candy habit). Okay fine, cavities, let’s get er done, but nooooo, that would be too easy. The cavities are large and close to the root so they both need to be crowned. There was talk of, ‘if we don’t do it now, it will be an emergency root canal in a month or two and, if you have chemo, we don’t want this open line into your immunodeficient body as a one-way route to infection.’

As I am settling into the rage that this is even happening, I have one of those heaven-opening, angels-singing moments. Nitrous Oxide. As an anesthesia whore, I was suddenly pretty stoked.  Let’s do this.

The next hour was pretty much masochist heaven. I was doped up on N2O and feeling great. The sound of drills was like a delightful white noise machine leading me into my own dreams.

Cut to 3 hours later- fuck. My gums feel like they have been brutally attacked and the whole right side of my face is radiating pain. Oh and guess what? I am not allowed any painkillers except bozo Tylenol before surgery. I have Tooth #2 scheduled for Monday afternoon, about 24 hours before my mastectomy pre-op procedure, 36 hours before The Main Event

Molar of the story (see what I did there?)– Teeth are annoying, cancer is annoying, I’m a whiner and N2O is a sneaky bitch that makes you feel great for an hour, then leaves you in the cold.

 #grancer #breastcancer #mastectomy