The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution states: ‘the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.’

So tell me, cancer, what you were thinking when you went ahead and relieved me of the full usage of my right arm? Did you not know that this is against the law in this land? I have every right to have and use both of my arms, so as of this moment, I, as a law abiding citizen of the US of A, am holding you, cancer, in contempt.

As discussed in a previous post, my right arm is now considered a ‘restricted extremity,’ meaning no blood can be drawn and no pulse or blood pressure can be taken on this side. This was bad enough.

After surgery number two (axillary node dissection, for those just joining us), I am experiencing a complication called cording which I discussed in a previous post about a week ago. At that time, the cording had just stared to bother me. Now, a whopping 7 days later, it is just as bad and restrictive and I. Am. Pissed.

I don’t know about you guys, but I really enjoy the use of my arms. I’m an active gal and I love to work out, but I also love lifting up my arm to open the cupboard where I hoard candy and- guess what? I can’t reach my right arm over my head. As in, it just doesn’t work, can’t be done. For me, using my arms to their full capacity was never something I saw as a luxury. In fact I don’t think I ever thought about it at all.

Now that that ability is gone until further notice, I am painfully aware of how wonderful full arm extension and power is. Here is a list of things I cannot do with the cording:

1. Reach the candy
2. Get clothes out of the dryer
3. Turn the steering wheel with my right hand (if you see me driving best to give me some space)
4. Blow dry my dope-ass new mohawk
5. Get the mail out of the mailbox
6. Shake hands with someone
7. Hug someone properly
8. Pull a car door shut
9. Turn off my bedside lamp
10. Punch things (see below)

This is just a small smattering of issues, but believe me, this handicap pops up constantly. I have been told this will resolve through physical therapy, but I’ve gone twice and have seen very little improvement. If anything, it set me back a few days, as my drain output has gone way up from the tissue manipulation.

To make matters worse, the physical therapist broke the news to me today that my right arm cannot take blunt impact or be exercised in over 90 degree weather, EVER AGAIN. Um, exsqueeze me?

My favorite exercise is boxing and bikram yoga. You’re saying I have a lifetime ban on these activities?! Though I try not to use this expression much, I need it now. I cannot. 

I love punching things! More than I love hugging things! If I can’t box again I am going to punch someo…. Shit.

Ok fine, right arm is a defector. We’ve got another one. Glass is half full Grace. Half full.

Guess what I’m doing this Friday? I’m having another surgery. To place a port in my left arm for easy chemotherapy access. Surgery on my left arm. The only good one I have left! Now to be fair, almost everyone I’ve spoken to who has had a port in their arm has had full mobility after it has been removed, but to even have a period of time where both of my soldiers are down? Cue Sally Field in Steel Magnolias.

So I ask you my friends, before you go to bed tonight, tell your arms you love them. Thank them for all they did for you today and everyday. Remind them of their value to you.

Now regarding this violation of my Second Amendment rights, I’ve gotta go call Trump and see if he has any pull with the Supreme Court on the issue of giving me my arms back. I want to go back to the gun show.