Look! My hair is finally long enough for a hair accessory!!

When people see me lately, often the first thing they say is, ‘wow, look how long your hair is!’

This makes me giggle.

I suppose they are correct, if you are looking at the fact that I was stone-cold bald 1.5 months ago and now I have a hairstyle reminiscent of Matt Lauer, but let’s get real- I do not have long hair.

I think that I am going to have to get used to this observation. Probably for the next 2-3 years, at least, as I plan on growing my hair long again.

Only in the absence of hair have I realized that a high pony/messy bun was my signature look. I have never been good at putting myself together on a daily basis. I don’t wear makeup and I usually wear something that I slept in the night before.

My hair was no exception. Though I always liked it long, I rarely wore it down. It was almost always up. I was the girl who had a hair rubber band around her wrist AT ALL TIMES.

In fact, not wearing a hair rubber band as a bracelet has been one of the small, but powerful losses throughout this process. There is something so intrinsic to who I am about having a hair tie around my wrist. Every once in a while I will find one there that I must have placed absentmindedly. When I notice it and its newfound uselessness, it makes me very sad.

I keep seeing these ads for these new metal bracelets that are meant to house a hair rubber band and make the necessity into an accessory. They are probably SO lame in reality, but I want one so badly. Probably just because I have no reason for one.

Everyone once in a while, as I am doing something that used to involve me needing to whip my hair out of my face, I find myself doing a head whip as a phantom maneuver. Just out of pure muscle memory. How odd must it look to see the bald woman at the gym pretending to flip her nonexistent hair out of her face?

I worry that by the time I get my long ponytail back, I will be too old to effectively rock one. Instead of worrying about a cancer recurrence, this is the type of crap I worry about. Maybe that’s a good thing? Or maybe I am a vapid egomaniac. Whatever, samesies.

Now when I see women (or men) with beautiful, long hair I have a fleeting moment of wanting to skin them. I am so jealous of their hair, when I should probably be jealous of their health.

You know that old saying ‘here today, gone tomorrow?’ (You know where I am going with this, right?)

If you’ve got it- hair, health, whatever- enjoy it. Enjoy what you have got.

I am trying to do the same. I am finding small joys like having the same bitmoji as my brother-in-law.

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (I’m grasping at straws here, cut me a break).